Charming Friends,

When people find out that among other things we do a bit of styling, one of the questions that frequently comes up is 'oh, so can you help me to select clothing that hides my sins/flaws/trouble areas?'

Well, to start with, we are usually fascinated to hear that people seem so keen to confess their sins to us, of all people. Obviously we all have little moments in our lives that don't make us feel too proud after the case, but as neither of us are religious leaders or counsellors, we don't really expect to hear about the time you deliberately ran that red light, cheated on your tax return or told your grandmother rudely to her face that you don't actually enjoy her cooking. However, everybody likes a racy tale, so if you ask us this question we might well lean forward eagerly, anticipating scandalous stories of misbehaviour.

Sadly, what tends to come out instead is a list of perfectly nice physical traits, rather than the philosophical or moral issues that words like 'sin', 'flaw' or 'trouble area' would imply.

Once we get over our disappointment, we find it necessary to point out some etymological realities:

A 'sin' is a transgression that is considered to be morally wrong.
A 'fat tummy' is a stomach area that contains fat. This is not sinful.

A 'flaw' is a fault or a defect.
'Jiggly upper arms' are upper arms upon which the flesh is not completely taut. This is not a flaw.

'Problem areas' are districts or regions in which trouble has been identified (e.g. a war zone).
'Short' is the opposite of tall. It does not imply trouble.

Can you see what the differences are here?

If we were inclined to point the finger in blame for our being deprived of scads of super scandal in the styling game, we would probably point it at things like fashion magazines, that will take a person with a body ('normal', 'functional', 'unique') and use tools such as Photoshop to change its appearance to something more 'perfect' ('created', 'impossible', 'unreal').

In other words, your body is not sinful, flawed or troubled. It is, however, quite different from the images of bodies which appear everywhere around us. These images imply that this is what 'perfection' looks like, and you do not (cannot, not even if you are the actual model in the photo) look like this, therefore you are somehow not perfect. Rubbish!

Or, to look at it another way, humanity - life in general - is flawed. So why would you expect a simple stylist, who thinks Photoshop is principally useful for adding fun backgrounds or wacky effects into photos, to come up with any way to hide or disguise this through the mere medium of clothing?

So let us say up-front, that when you complain about being 'too short' we simply say to you, in absolute honesty: apparently not! Since you are a wonderful person, standing right here before us, and indeed you are not tall and we seem to be occupying reality, so there we are. Short, yes. No 'too' about it. We can, however, help you to find clothing and hairstyles and accessories and the rest, that fit you and makes you feel comfortable, happy, zany, professional, romantic or whatever else you may be after.

All the same! Never let it be said that we shy from a styling challenge!

So here are a few Darling Hints for how people can really dress for their sins, flaws and problem areas.

Hint no. 1

Dear Darlings, I have a tendency to fail to respect other people. Do you have any styling ideas for me?

Condescending Snarky

___

Dear Condescending Snarky, yes we do! To begin with, how long has it been since you last looked at your own privilege? Perhaps you are wearing it too close to your chest, or in fact haven't even taken it out to examine it lately. Blow the dust of it and look closely at it in the light of day. Does it match your expectations of others? Now try spending a few weeks without it! You may well find that you feel completely different. Wearing other people's shoes during this time can also be helpful. They may be a little uncomfortable, but we all suffer for our morals don't we?

The Darlings

Hint no. 2

Dear Darlings, I really hate my body. I am too ugly and too fat and too thin and too tall and too short and too old and too poor and too hairy and too bald. Help dress me to hide all of this and become perfect, and then I know my life will be ideal and nothing will ever bother me again!

Self Hater

___

Dear Self Hater, it sounds as though accessories are your best option. First we recommend a good solid set of Media Blinkers. These are an excellent accessory for any modern fashion-plate, as they completely hide ALL traces of unrealistic body image. We recommend that you wear them 24/7. Secondly, a good pair of Hate-Filtering Earphones will keep your head clear of those pesky comments that everybody seems to be flinging around these days. (Don't you just hate that particular fashion?) All fashion shoppers know that there are Good Shopping Friends who will always help you to experience the self-esteem that fits, and the Bad Shopping Friends who continually steer you in the direction of the crap shops, such as Self Doubt, or Humiliation, where nothing ever fits right. Dump those friends and stick close to the others! And finally, if you wouldn't let your best friend wear it in the streets, don't you go flinging it onto yourself! Check, check, check that fit - if you're comfortable and able to do whatever you want to right now, without any alteration - that's the style for you!

The Darlings

Hint no. 3

Dear Darlings, I am pretty much an evil sinner. Eeeeeevil! And I love it! MWAHAHAHAHA! Can you recommend anything that will disguise my 'little flaw'?

Villainous Scoundrel

_____

Dear Villainous Scoundrel, this is a tricky one, as we fear the fashion (... actually, just the regular) police, will always catch up with you sooner or later. However if you can find the right designer, get them to paint a magical portrait of you. Hang it up carefully in your wardrobe, cross your fingers, and hope it never again sees the light of day. (Of course if you're morally bankrupt, this sort of endeavour can be rather costly ...) Failing that, we believe big, swirling black cloaks and stovepipe hats are still popular in some circles.

The Darlings