Charming Friends,

We are writing this on Melbourne Cup Day, when simply popping on the telly or having a peep at online news sites brings forth some of the very best - and HEAPS of the very worst - of field fashion!

The Darlings believe that a day at the races certainly requires a dressing-up effort, however we are very wary of the way in which many people seem to be interpreting racewear. Our most-hated look? A cheap-looking 'cocktail' frock, far too much fake tan, slicked-down hair with (ugh ugh ugh) a random fascinator clipped awkwardly to one side of the head, giving the distinct impression that the person's brain has just exploded in a puff of cheap and badly-dyed feathers. Add elbow-length gloves (for DAYTIME? with a COCKTAIL FROCK? OUTDOORS?!?!?!) and awkwardly high heels and there you have it - the nastiest outfit that ever frightened a poor horsey.

The Darlings, if we ruled the world of racing fashion, would make sure any ladies who are keen for a day with the gee-gees have in their wardrobe a neat, flattering frock or whimsical suit in a pretty colour, or nicely tailored trousers and a lovely blouse with a comfortable well-suited jacket. We would ensure that their shoes were comfortable, cleaned and not high enough to force ladies to walk like cowpersons (persons-of-cowage?) who hadn't left the saddle for weeks. We would encourage ladies to settle for stockings, a light tan, or their own lovely natural skin (depending on preference and the shoes they favour) and develop the capacity to inform the spray-tan person that this will be quite enough to be going on with, thank you.

We would encourage ladies who wish to wear gloves, especially if their day includes outdoor activities, to find a nice pair of cotton or soft leather daytime gloves, probably wrist length or slightly longer. If the weather is nippy, twenties-style gauntlets look lovely, especially with a good quality coat in a nice neutral or jewel-toned colour.

We would encourage ladies to consider the weather! And come prepared with coats, gloves, scarves, umbrellas, parasols, sunscreen, insect repellant, sunglasses, plenty of water and absolutely anything else they need in order to survive the day with grace.

We would encourage ladies to introduce a touch of whimsy to their outfit, to make it their own and introduce a lighthearted note. What about wearing sweet little Converse shoes in a fab colour with that trouser outfit? How cute, and how comfortable! What about a really adorable and slightly subversive piece of jewellery, such as a spider-shaped brooch or tattoo-inspired earrings? Or, if the weather is cool (as it can often be on Cup Day, especially in lovely Melbourne) how about wearing a faux-fur muff with a purse insert instead of carrying a handbag? Amusing and practical! The possibilities are endless and your fellow racegoers will appreciate it much more than yet another race-clone outfit.

We would encourage ladies to consider their footwear carefully, and ask questions such as: am I expected to stand up for long periods of time? Will I be walking on grass? Will I be wearing the same pair of shoes all day and evening? Will my feet get wet or muddy? Do I need to be able to stand up tomorrow? Can I walk confidently in these or will I lurch unbecomingly and fall over after two glasses of bubbles? Do I need stockings, tights or a pedicure? Will I get sunburned toes or chilblains? Should I invest in some gel or sheepskin inserts? Can I be seen in the cocktail bar/nice restaurant in these?

And when it comes to head-wear? Well! The Darlings would start by encouraging every lady to Make! An! Effort! and at least consider doing something other than the terribly dull slicked-back-ponytail that proiferates at these events. Some ladies have the knack of wearing the slicked-back-ponytail: others, we suspect, simply do it because that is what seems to be expected. Try something different! There are lots of fabulous vintage-inspired hairstyles that do suit modern cuts of all lengths and are much easier to manage than you might think. They are also often designed to accommodate hats and other head-wear. Wouldn't you rather be seen sporting a forties-style Victory roll with a dainty little confection of a hat, or a soft fiftes ultra-glam head of curls with an elegant brimmed hat, or even a thirties-style wave to show off a little feathered, veiled number?

With a carefully styled hairdo, the hair adornment possibilities are suddenly endless. The Darlings tend to think that if you are spending time in the sun, forget the fascinator and look for a brimmed hat - with hatpins or springs to affix it to your head in the wind, natch - so that you can feel cooler and more comfortable (and Blossom urges everybody to remember that sipping champagne in the sun with no head protection is simply a vile hangover by another name).

If you are planning more time in the shade but still outdoors, hats are still a good choice, although sun protection is less of an issue. Please please please do consider something a bit different from the usual cheap straw monstrosity in a horrid colour with nasty things affixed to the brim? Straw hats are light and practical in Australia in spring, but don't head to the local shopping mall to get one: instead, why not support local business and seek out your nearby milliner? You are far more likely to find something suitable, and you may be pleasantly surprised at the reasonable cost, especially as there is no shame whatsoever in wearing the same hat to the races year after year - you can easily vary your look and you may find that your friends greet your beautiful locally-made confection with affectionate joy whenever they see it.

Your milliner can also advise you on the right type of hat for your hair and outfit, and provide advice on how to affix it suitably. If you are planning a little suit, have you considered a sixties-style pillbox? Ladies with short hair, have you ever considered a chic cloche hat? It is a flattering style and looks very nice with short hair. And ladies with very long hair, a piled-up style gives you the ability to wear a little something frothy jauntily pinned to one side.

Now - the dreaded fascinator. We would institute a rule that fascinators can only be worn if a little effort is involved! Sticking one in your hair and calling it done does not count, no indeedy it doesn't ...

Fascinators are really intended for use in done hair. They can look remarkable fixed in an elaborately piled-up 'do'. They also look rather lovely fixed to a hatband as a hat ornament. However, they were originally intended as eveningwear and still give that feeling of after-eight to any outfit. In fact, the Darlings have been known to pop them into carefully styled hair for a formal ball, and certainly to wear them on stage with sequins. Plonked unceremoniously into unstyled hair and worn outdoors at 10 am looks ... well, sorry, but it looks a tad cheap. Especially when the fascinator is one of those horrid shopping-mall numbers made up of badly-dyed chicken feathers and inexpensive sequins in garish colours.

However! If you love fascinators and really want to wear one, here are a few ways to get around it:

• Buy a nice-quality fascinator, from a milliner or a decent hat shop. Make sure the feathers are good quality and professionally dyed, and that they won't leak nasty colours all over your pastel suit if there is a spot of rain.
• For a daytime look, consider fixing the fascinator to a hat band. The Darlings have seen them wittily clipped to jaunty top hats, cleverly coordinated with coloured straw hats and adding that little extra to cloches. Every time, they looked marvellous. The glory of fascinators is that, if you love it, you can still take it off your hat and pop it in your hair for your evening outfit.
• For en evening look, try always to match them with hair that has been 'done'. Long-haired ladies should try and create a style that offers something to clip the fascinator into: a roll, pompadour, braid or updo. On long hair especially, randomly clipping feathers to the side of the head looks weird. For short-haired ladies, try popping it behind your ear affixed to a headband or scarf, twenties-style - this looks very sweet with straight short hair, especially if you cn manage a bit of a finger-wave. For ladies with short curly hair, you are lucky: simply make sure your hair is clean and nicely shaped with a blow-dry and a bit of styling, then you alone can probably pop the fascinator in at a sweet angle and not give it too much more thought. However, do remember that this is stll an evening look, and make sure the rest of your outfit suits.
• Try to match your fascinator to your clothes, and not just in terms of colour. Fascinators suit some type of outfits and not others. Beware if you are planning a suit, as even a nicely-applied fascinator can look a bit wrong (unless it is cipped to a nice hat). Try on your fascinator with your planned outfit and be really honest with yourself. Can you go out feeling perfectly confident and happy? Or are you just the teeniest bit unsure? If the latter, try something else. Your slight air of uncertainty will communicate itself to all those around you, and even if the outfit is perfect it won't look like it.
• Make sure you have fixed the fascinator so that it won't budge! Drooping fascinators look ... well, like drooping fascinators: not charming. Plan for wind, rain, and being jostled by tipsy fellow racegoers. Use the fascinator clip by all means, but don't look past extras such as bobby pins and hatpins. Of course, an updo provides much more substance to which to fix your clip. If you attach your fascinator to a hat, you might even consider a cleverly concealed safety pin.

Have you considered, rather than a faux-flower fascinator, going for the real thing? A fresh floral fascinator (say that three times quickly!) won't cost much from your local florist and might look especially lovely. All you have to do is order it in advance to make certain that it is fresh and crisp, and it can last all day. This could look so pretty with a suit, and you can have a buttonhole made up to match!

And finally, don't forget that there are myriad other options for dressing your hair on raceday that don't involve hats or fascinators at all! If you want a unique look, consider exploring the wide world of scarves, hairclips, snoods, flowers both real and faux, decorated chopsticks, veils, wigs and even - gosh! - your own lovely hair in an elegant style. With a very good sunscreen and a pretty parasol, you might cheerfully eschew the hat or the fascinator altogether.

Before we go, a quick word to the gentlemen: to a certain extent your lives are much easier. You can wear flat shoes and sensible headwear, you can probably dress with comfort for minimal effort. However, having said this, there seem to be as many poorly-dressed gentlemen as ladies wandering about the tracks! A few pointers for our lovely male Charming Friends:

• Dinner suits do not work as daywear. If you have been invited to a very formal event, do not be tempted by your dinner suit or set of tails. Instead go to a gentleman's outiftters and ask for advice on a morning suit, or of it is not a top-hat affair, please simply wear your nicest-quality business suit with a well-ironed shirt and tie.
• Don't forget that gentlemen can and should be tempted to whimsical touches. Wear a nice, quirky tie or slightly subversive socks or nice Converse sneakers if you wish. This is a fun occasion! Just remember that the more subtle your touch of whimsy is, the more effective it will be.
• If you are not a suit man, get creative! The Darlings know gentlemen who could - and would - cheerfully wear a thirties-style zoot suit or fully-fledged Goth gear or a velvet seventies jacket with a turtleneck (sigh ... this always impresses the Darlings) or a brocade frock coat to the races. The trick is to make sure that every part of your outfit is worn with conviction. You must avoid that sense of wearing a 'costume' rather than an outfit! Don't settle for cheap or flimsy with any part of your outfit and make sure it all works together - this includes your ties, cufflinks, shoes and other accessories - otherwise you will look as though your calendar has become stuck at October 31. If, however, you can pull off a very different look, you will attract a lot of the right sort of attention!
• Wear a hat! This is particularly important outdoors. And before we go any further, please understand that by 'hat' we are NOT referring to a baseball cap. They don't count at all. Your hat MUST be decent quality, match your outfit, suit the weather and the relative formality of the event, and be removeable - this is, of course, because of the basic rule: ladies may wear hats at all times (with the exception of sunhats, beanies and Akubras) but gentlemen must remove their hats indoors (with the exception of headwear worn for religious purposes or if the occasion requires it, such as a costume party).
• Is your event outdoors? If you are wearing a basic suit or trouser-and-shirt combo, you are in luck: Australian conditions allow for gentlemen to wear Akubras in nearly every outdoors situation. Akubras and their ilk are practical, neat, look nice on pretty mcuh everybody, and if they are clean and in good condition can be worn with a suit outdoors for events. Failing that, consider something like a fedora, panama or other semi-formal brimmed style.
• You should only consider a top hat if you can wear it with firm conviction and with the correct form of outfit. Yes to morning suit, tails (for evening), goth or steampunk-look, or similar. NO to dinner suit or business suit!
• Your shoes should be leather by preference, although thanks to Mr Oliver and Dr Who you can probably also manage a nice pair of canvas retro sneakers with your suit. Leather shoes should always be polished and in good condition - but you already knew that, didn't you?
• Your tie and your pocket-handkerchief should get on together. If in doubt, speak to your local gentlemens' outfitters, or better still get a subscription to The Chap magazine (you won't regret that, anyway).
• If you wish to wear gloves (and if you do, we love you) then please make sure they are suitable for the time of day, and made of good quality fabric or leather.
• If you are wearing a tie or cravat, please pay attention to how you tie it. There are so many different ways to fix your tie or cravat, here is a good opportunity for you to learn a few techniques. You would be amazed at the difference it can make to the look of your outfit.
• Always carry a clean handkerchief, a neat slim wallet that will not damage your clothing, a comb, an umbrella if it looks rainy, and, if you are planning to spend the day outdoors in the sun, the means by which you can replenish your doedorant!

Finally, Charming Friends, a word from Blossom: please do remember that, while champagne is as much a part of Cup Day as a flutter on the ponies, it is not charming to over-indulge (particularly in the morning) so please do pace yourself, and drink plenty of water throughout the day. Having said that, going out in the evening and watching the zombified stream of Cup Day casualties staggering around, shedding feathers and betting slips, can be rather amusing. Just be certain that you are the well-dressed person sitting well back and observing, while sipping on a cool beverage, and not one of the sad situations heading queasily for Hangover-Land ...