My dear aunts,

I write to you in the most perilous of situations! I am in the high country of Victoria with my friends Clare and Maria. We came here to avoid the most dreadful of crowds, the New Year’s Eve masses! Our hopes of serenity and relaxation within the simple pleasures of mother nature have been soiled by the very type of people that we are trying to avoid, for as I write, the sounds of Kasey Chambers and Billy Ray Cyrus float ominously on the breeze from the neighbouring camp. From the very spot where I am now sitting I can see blue singlets on which the Australian flag is boldly printed, and akubras large enough to house a small child. Oh, dear aunts, I pray that I will see you again, but only time will tell how horrifying or even life threatening the predicament in which I find myself may become.

God speed this message to you, so that you may pray for the safety of my soul!
Yours in thick bush and deep distress,

Kitty.

PS. If I do not return to you, but in spirit, please bury me wearing the black Bettie Page Alika Dress. I do so think that the fishnet neckline would look so stunning against my cold, pale skin.

Charming Friends,

We are happy to inform you that Kitty survived her frightening ordeal: the fishnet neckline does indeed suit her wonderfully but to our relief she is able to wear it out ... and upright! D&B