Charming friends,

Isn't social networking fabulous? No, we're not being sarcastic: actually we adore having online avenues for enjoying the company of Charming Friends, learning about what people are doing and thinking, and generally staying in touch. And of course, the key word is 'social': as for any other social occasion, manners and good etiquette count on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and all the rest.

No doubt we've all been bombarded by dozens of messages about social networking etiquette. Sadly, however, we have also all seen plenty of examples of these messages being ignored, resulting in embarrassement, hurt feelings or worse.

It seems like as good a time as any to discuss a few examples of good SN manners - and as always, why not tell us about your own experiences and thoughts? thedarlingsisters@live.com.

On Conducting Business

Many many businesses like to use SN as a way to stay in touch with friends, customers and fellow businesses, and spread the word about what they do. And do you know what? Whyever not? One of the nice things about this method is that one does not forcibly thrust oneself upon others: we all have a choice as to whom we shall include in our networks. Twitter, especially, can be a nice method for keeping an eye on our favourite businesses, as the communication method is quick and succinct and can be updated so very easily.

It is, however, meet to remember that crucial word: 'social'. Businesses ought to recall that they are operating in a social environment and respond accordingly. This means keeping things friendly, lighthearted and respectful, of course, and in particular being respectful of the SN bonds that people have formed with each other. In other words, SN sites should be approached as a way to meet people in a friendly manner, and not simply to seize as many contacts and market-share as possible. (That sort of behaviour is unpleasantly close to SN stalking and does not befit a decent business.) By all means, approach new friends and contacts, but do keep it friendly and relaxed. If you are approaching strangers (or friends you have not yet met) it would be polite to drop the person a few workds about who you are and what you do, or simply say 'hello' first.

Fan pages are a nice way around this, as participants have made an informed choice to access your information. (Also, we adore hearing from those lovely people for whom we are fans!)

And remember that we may all vote with our keyboards: if you feel valued only as a potential customer, or don't appreciate being regularly contacted by a business, it is so easy to fix the problem with a simple click or two ...

On Being Friends

Remember the word: social, social, social. If you don't know somebody personally, there is absolutely no reason why you should feel any need to agree to be friends with them.

For this reason, if you are approching somebody for potential friendship and you think there is a chance they may not know or recall you, it is only polite to drop them a few lines letting them know why you crave their friendship. If you don't, there is no reason to feel offended if that person does not accept your offer. The simple fact is that many of us prefer only to accept friendship requests from people whose faces they have smiled at and whose hands they have shaken, or at the least with whom they have shared a decent conversation.

This, of course, applies as much to groups and businesses as it does to individuals (see above). By all means make friends, but at least say hello in some way, either in person, email or via a quick message, before you send that request.

On Being Public

It constantly astonishes us how some people appear to forget that SN sites are public spaces. There are many 'SN Blooper' sites about that actually showcase the very worst results of this forgetfulness.

Please please please always bear in mind that a SN update is a statement to the general public. If you would not say it loudly on the bus or appreciate it being spoken across a loudspeaker in your workplace, then do not publish it on a SN site.

At the very least, you may find yourself feeling rather embarrassed. At the worst ... well, people have lost self-respect, friendship and jobs via these communication tools. As with email, you have the opportunity to 'rehearse' your statement beforehand. Ask yourself if there is any way in which you might regret the statement before you publish it.

And please always remember, SN sites are NOT a good way to let off steam or issue complaints. There are other ways in which you can vent frustration. Much safer ways that will not result in people being hurt. If you are feeling upset, go away and have a cup of tea and take a few deep breaths, before you allow yourself to log in!

On Publishing Images

Many SN sites allow us to upload our photographs, and it can be so lovely to enjoy friends' holiday snaps, photos of kids' parties and suchlike. We adore enjoying our friends' photos so please do continue to make use of these functions.

However, please also think twice before you publish the following:

• Photos of other people - including your friends - without their explicit permission
• Photos from those hilarious parties that were simply marvellous at the time and which took three days and a lot of bacon sarnies to recover from
• Photos of performers without their explicit permission
• Photos of children other than your own kiddies without their guardians' explicit permission
• Photos taken by a third party unless you have explicit permission
• Photos of anybody at all dressed in skimpy clothing or doing anything that could be construed as compromising

Some of these rules are fairly obviously to do with privacy and intellectual property. Some are to do with personal safety. Some are in the interest of keeping your job, or allowing your friends to remain gainfully employed. Some are simply in the interest of keeping your friendships intact.

We cannot be too serious about this. Honestly: you may think that photo of your dearest friend at that party is perfectly adorable, while your dearest friend is cringing in horror and considering never showing their face in public again! It really is not polite to flick around photos of people without their knowledge, and worse still to then tag the photos so that the wold not only gets to see your buddy during a bad hair day, but also learns his full name, date of birth and hobbies. Ouch!

The simplest rule of thumb is this: if the photo is not of yourself, ask permission before you publish it.

On the Use of Language

The Darlings know perfectly well that not everybody has an advanced degree in the language of their choice. We know that not everybody has the opportunity to communicate regularly in their first (or second or third or fourth) language. We know that not everybody has been fortunate enough to be lengthily and expensively educated.

Therefore, we believe that things such as perfect spelling and grammar, while nice, are not compulsory for SN.

Nevertheless, there are some use-of-language issues that we can all consider when updating our SN sites.

Firstly, let's try and be understood as much as possible. This means avoiding forms of language that others may not be able to appreciate. There are no rules preventing you from communicating only in l33t or in mediaeval latin, but let us be honest: these are rather exclusive forms of communication, and using them in a public space is a little like obviously whispering to somebody in public while ignoring others. It's frankly a little rude.

Secondly, let's try and keep it fairly non-offensive. In Australia it is not at all unusual to hear words of the four-letter persuasion in everyday conversation, and many of us are not in the least offended. However, we wouldn't all bellow such words at the tops of our lungs in the shopping centre. Typing these words in your Twitter update is not dissimilar, in that it has the potential to offend people you might not actually wish to. The safest way to keep your public reputation intact is to avoid profanities, swearing and off-colour statements involving important topics such as religion, culture, politics etc. By all means, express your opinion in more controllable situations such as your personal blog, but please remember that a SN site is like a crowded shopping mall. A crowded shopping mall that might very well contain your grandparents, teachers or employers!

Thirdly, and a bit trickily, it is safest to express your own thoughts in your own language. Quotes are widely used in SN, and can be a wonderful way to express yourself, but for the sake of intellectual property (and decency) please try and make it clear when you are quoting by acknowledging the source!

This is all for the moment: remember dear Charming Friends to let us know what you think as always.

And happy happy networking!

Yours charmingly.

Darla and Blossom Darling